Between Moments
by 1million-words-unsaid
Summary: Sorry it took so long! Chapter 2 is up, 3 is in progress. Excerpt: I’m not sure how to get back what I gave them. I’m not sure of how to be me again, because pieces of me are missing. -- I posted this a couple days ago but i fixed the mistakes!
1. Of Secret Forevers

Title: Moments Between

Author: 1million-words-unsaid

Pairing: H/Hr

A/N: Okay this is a little different than what I normally write, but I liked it. I intend to use it for application to portkey so there will be an epilogue. Anyways I hope you like it because it is probably the realest thing I've written yet. And please Review

MOMENTS BETWEEN

As they lay there together, bodies melting together under the heavy weight of exhaustion and the stagnant smell of sweat, he thinks to himself that she has never seemed more beautiful than she does right now. The way the light trickling through the window throws golden streaks into her chestnut hair, as her dusky colored eyes and bruised lips smile back at him. He wonders how it took him so long to realize that she meant everything to him. He reaches a hand out to brush back a loose strand of hair and to lays a gentle kiss across her lips. And when he wakes in the morning to discover that this was all a dream, he takes a cold shower and wonders how much longer he can ignore the burning desire coursing through his blood. He had never wanted anything more.

Her laugh echoes across the common room, sending a shiver of arousal down his spine. Does she know what she does to him? Does she know that at night he lays in his bed going over every little moment of contact they've had throughout the day, only to fall into exhaustion where his dreams are filled of a beautiful future where they love each other forever? He's pretty sure that he's been staring at her too long because suddenly her head comes up and she catches his gaze. Before he has the chance to look away, she sends him a small smile that goes all the way to her eyes before she returns to the conversation she was having. He relaxes into the chair, heart fluttering, blood coursing, and wonders if he ever really felt anything before he met her.

She lived in a quite world. One filled with subtle creases of book pages and crisp scratches of quills. This is where she is in her element. Nestled within the stacks of books, surrounded by the knowledge she so eagerly grasp at, she stands out. There's a glow about her that makes everything seem inviting. Even though he's sitting there bored out of his mind pretending to read his potions tome, knowing he could be playing a game of pick up quidditch, there is no where else he'd rather be. She's sucking on the end of her sugar quill and he wishes…well you could guess what he wishes, but he blushes at the thought and quickly thinks of Snape in a bikini. She looks up briefly to ask him for the book he has stacked next to him. As he hands it to her, their hands touch and his heart stops in his chest. He knows there will be no sleep for tonight.

He lived in a world of darkness. Of monsters. The only quiet he knew of came in the moments following death when the world stilled and mourned the loss of another soul. His world was full of flashes of red and green and gut wrenching cries and blood. It pierced his heart and ate at his mind, filling his nights with terror and his days with shadows. He pretended, he acted, he cried only in solitude and in silence. He lived in a world of loneliness. Of harsh voices and secrets and pain. And as the world marked him as a hero, he lived in a world of rage and despair. The burden hung heavy around his neck and clawed at his chest. This was no hero and he hated himself for feeling so weak. And she knew. She knew that he was human and that he feared and hoped and cried and wanted. She knew that he sat up at night talking to his parents and she knew that he envied Neville for not being chosen. And still she remained with him; through heaven and hell, she stood. And for that he loved her more than anything.

He can hear her voice coming from the next corridor. The soft lilting sound and her laughter, but it is followed by a gruffness that could only be some other guy. And the noise stops and a thud resounds and stillness fills the air. He hurries his step, thinking there may be trouble, and rounds the corner at a jog. Only to stop dead. Literally, the scene before him has pulled his heart straight from his chest. There's Terry with her up against a wall, and her hands are on his chest, and they're kissing. Bloody hell, they're not kissing they're sucking each other's tongues out. And, he falters; fights for breath. The rage is overpowering the sorrow. How could she be going on with some other guy behind his back? His breath comes in ragged gasp and his hand curls around his wand to the point where his knuckles are a searing white. Forgetting any previous intentions he changes directions and heads towards the room of requirement where he plans to work on how to kill Terry Boot.

She saw him. He doesn't know. He ran away too fast. He wasn't there to see her push Terry away, didn't see her slap him, didn't see her threaten to hex him back into the previous century if he ever came near her again. Terry Boot has successfully ruined her life with that one kiss. She wants to fall. Fall to the floor, and cry, and scream, and rage, but she's much too dignified. People cannot see her break. She's supposed to be untouchable. Instead, she lifts her bag and begins back down the corridor. But with each step, her breathing becomes more ragged, tears push at the back of her eyes and her lips tremble. For the first time in her life, she forgets about her next class and flees for the heads commons. Sobbing as she runs.

He felt rage. He felt sorrow. He felt anguish, and grief, and pain, and hatred, and despair, and so much more, and knowing that he felt all of these emotions at the same time without exploding made him fall to his knees in awe. Surrounded in the destruction he created, he couldn't help but let out a dark cry. This was his life. The broken pieces of dreams and promises that surmounted to nothing more than clouds of dust and jagged edges. He stood, surveying the damage. His mind had created pictures of his past as targets and now his life littered the floor. Nothing left except slices of colors and jigsawed memories of people he once knew and loved. Until he saw something that drained all his remaining rage. There on the floor was one piece of a photo that had survived his power. With piercing edges and filled with scratched was the two of them, heads bowed, eyes shining, smiles gleaming. And he smiled. Maybe not all was lost.

He shouted her name, the sound shattering the resounding silence that had previously filled the room. He shouted her name. And no one answered. Silence began to gather again as he walked further into their shared common room. The weight of emptiness settled upon him and hope fled. She was still with him. The bloody-fucking-no good-mother fucking-son of a bitch. But for now Terry was safe. The roller coaster of emotions had drained him. With one last whisper of her name, he laid down on the couch and slept.

Ginny had come. Ginny took one look at her blood shot eyes and carted her off for girl talk. A gallon of tears, a pound of tissues, and three hours later she had finally escaped. Darkness had filled the castle, flooding its corridors with shadows cast by wavering flames. She really wished she hadn't insisted on walking alone. It was with a sigh of relief some ten minutes later that she gave the password to the head commons. Right away she knew she was not alone. The air was different when he was around, and sure enough as her foot hit the stone floor he sat up on the couch. One look in those emerald green eyes told her the night would be interesting.

The door closed. He woke up. She was there. The night had just begun.

"Quite a bit of time you've spent with Terry Boot there is it not?"

Her tempered flared. Two could play a game of fiery minds and sharp tongues.

"What I do in my own time is none of your concern."

"None of my concern," he screamed, "how can it be none of my concern when you've been sneaking off with some arse behind my back?"

"And how would you know I've even been with Terry? Spying on me are you?"

"I was NOT spying. It was my unforunate timing to bring me around a corner while you were sucking his bloody brains out. Glad I left before you started sucking something else."

All her breath left her. How dare he…how dare he insinuate she would do something so low and degrading. Before she had time to think of it her hand came up and across his face. Her voice trembled as she spoke.

"How dare you. I walk in here and you start screaming at me and now you're telling me that you think of me as nothing else as a bloody slut. For your information if you had stayed long enough you would have seen me throw that filthy excuse for a boy off of me and threaten to hex him into the next century for kissing me without permission. If you had paid any attention at all you would have notice that I saw you there and that I've spent the last three hours crying my heart out to Ginny because all I've been waiting for this year is a chance to show you that I love you. But thank for proving to me it's been a waste of my time holding out for you because you're probably the biggest bastard of them all."

She stood there shaking in rage waiting for his response

"You love me?"

She screamed. "All of that and all you pick out is that I was stupid enough to fall for you? You're such a guy. Forget it. Forget it all. I can't even bear to look at you. So let's pretend that I never proclaimed my love, that we were never best friends, and that we've never met before. We can live here in silence and never talk again, which would be much to soon in my opinion, and you can tell every super model that you date about the poor ugly girl that fell so hard for you that she doubts she'll ever fall in love with anyone else. Sound like a plan? Great, I've got to go."

She moved towards the stairs. Anything to get away from here. Away from him. She was close when a hand came out and caught her wrist, spinning her around. Right into his chest.

"I can't." he whispered.

"You can't what?"

"I can't pretend I've never met you."

"Why not? It'd be easier that way."

"No it wouldn't." he said as he pushed her back to look into her eyes.

"I know that what I just said was the inappropriate thing in the world and I am more sorry than you could ever imagine, but you have to understand." He broke off and took a few steps before turning back towards her.

"There's an entire room full of broken pictures and memories. An entire room. And it didn't help my anger one bit. Seeing him kiss you today, I…well honestly it's all I could do to not kill him. And I," the words were rolling through his head faster than he could express, "Do you really love me?"

She looked at the floor before she lifted her chin in defiance, "Yes."

"Well then I can't pretend I never met you even if you want me to because I can't spend each day knowing that the girl I've been completely head-over-heels for loves me too, but I understand if you can't forgive me."

Both stood still. The whole room was still, as if it was waiting to see who would move first, everyone holding their breath.

"What if I can forgive you? What would you do then?"

He crossed the room until he was less than an inch away. "This." And then he kissed her deeper than she had ever been kissed before. Minutes, hours, seconds. Everything faded away into the moment when his tongue slid across her lip. They broke apart with smiles on their lips, heads leaning against one another, until she pulled back.

"And how long do you plan on doing that for Mr. Potter?"

He laughed and smiled back at her, "Well I'm not sure Ms. Granger, but I was kind of hoping for forever.

If possible she smiled even brighter, "Well I'd say that sounds like a brilliant idea"

And the she kissed him.

Please Review


	2. Authors Note: Read before chapter 3

Authors Note:

Okay, so I hate these as well, but the rest of this story needs some explaining.

Chapter two takes place three years after the war, and is a brief interlude between Harry and Hermione that sets the scene for chapter three, and possibly chapter four, if I need one.

The scene takes place in an apartment that Harry and Hermione share, both are 20-21

I think that's it. Hope you all enjoy

Love, Meg


	3. Between Moments

"…And you keep trying to change me into something I'm not and it hurts. There are some days it hurts so much that I can't breathe properly. And there are others when I'm pretty sure that having the thought of you is the only thing that keeps me standing up straight. It scares me. Scares me that I can't imagine a life without you. But I think I'm losing myself to be with you, and I don't know what to do about it. Because I'm pretty sure that letting you go would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but I don't think I could ever forgive myself for giving up my soul, and that's what you're asking me to do. It may not seem that way, but it is. You're asking me to give up my dreams, and hopes, and my heart, but you're offering me nothing in return. You've closed yourself off, hidden your heart behind the expensive suits and flashy smiles. I knew that the war would change us, that it would leave scars that you can't see and pockets of fresh hurt that still sting when someone mentions their names, but I didn't imagine this. I didn't imagine that you would stop loving me."

"Hermione, I…" He started.

"No, I'm not done yet." She cried. "I couldn't imagine that you'd stop loving me, because it's impossible for me to stop loving you. I've tried. You have no idea how hard I've been trying to tell myself to stop loving you these past few weeks, but it just won't work. And you don't look at me like you used to, you don't smile at me, or touch me, or whisper my name, and at first I thought it was me, and I cried myself to sleep, and you didn't notice. God damn it, Harry, you didn't even notice. You took all these truths I had and you grabbed them out from underneath me, and I'm drowning in it." Hermione, tired from the crying and yelling slumped into a chair at the table, her back to Harry.

Silence began to collect in the corners.

Harry had no idea what to say, he thought she knew he loved her, thought she knew that she meant everything to him.

"Hermione, I do love you, honestly, Merlin please believe me Hermione. And I know I haven't shown it, and I know things are different, but I can put them back I swear I can, I just need time…"

Her voices was hoarse and weary. "I know, believe me Harry I know, my heart won't let me forget, but I can't live like this anymore. I'll wait for you Harry, you know I will, but I can't do it here, with you. The memories keep pushing me under. You have to put yourself back together, and I thought I could help you but I can't, because I'm broken too, its just taken me this long to realize it."

The floor dropped out from underneath him.

"You're leaving?"

"Don't look at me like that," she sighed, "you left a long time ago, maybe not physically, but emotionally you've been gone since the war. It's been three years Harry, and I know that the wounds can't heal that quickly, and that it was so much worse for you, and I can't imagine what you feel, but I can't give any more of myself to you." She took a second to collect herself, "I'm being selfish, I know, and I've spent my whole life keeping you safe and I wouldn't change a minute of it, but it's time to let you try it on your own. So yes, I'm leaving. It's best for both of us, and I swear the minute you need me I'll be here, and when you're ready to open back up to let me back in I'll be back for good. I'm willing to wait Harry, my heart wouldn't have it any other way, but I can't keep treading water forever."

Harry dropped into the seat next to her.

"You know I never meant it to be this way right, I never wanted all this fame and attention. But after the war, I didn't know what else to do, I just gave them what they wanted. I don't know…I'm not sure how to get back what I gave them. I'm not sure of how to be me again, because pieces of me are missing."

Harry took her hand, tears were streaming down both of their faces. Hermione realized darkly, that this was the Harry she has been missing so much, only turning up when she was getting ready to leave.

"I know I haven't given you what you needed, what you deserve, and if you need to leave I'm not going to stop you. It would be wrong of me to ask for more than you've already given me. But I do love you Hermione, and nothing could ever change that. And if remembering things I don't want to remember and figuring out how to live my life with the holes means keeping you then I am going to do everything possible to make sure I can live again. I promise not to make you wait too long, but I think I've been lying to the whole world about being fine, and some things are going to take time to heal, and I need to know that I won't lose you. I can't lose you."

"I told you I'll wait and I mean it. I gave my heart to you at 17, I don't think I could get it back even if I wanted to. It yours Harry, forever, and so am I, but I need to do this. I need to find myself as much as you do. When you're ready, Hedwig will be able to find me, and I'll come back, and we can try again. We can try together."

Harry leaned his forehead against hers.

"So this is it then? This is goodbye?"

"It's only goodbye if you let it be. I love you Harry, with all of me, this is goodbye for now, not goodbye forever. You do your thing, I'll do mine. You go your way, I'll go mine. And if we end up together, it's beautiful. And I believe in beautiful. I believe in us."

They closed the space between them slowly. Already the miles between them were growing. He kissed her gently, quietly, slowly, savoring every moment of her lips against his, and then he let her go.

And as she walked out the door, disappearing from his sight, he wept for hopeful heartbreak.


End file.
